Is dating your friend a good idea
Even if you meet someone to whom you think you have no previous connection, a 10-minute conversation almost always reveals that she went to high school with your college roommate, used to be on a volleyball team with that girl from your book club, and had a six-month stand with your favorite barista.Queers don't tend to expect our dates to come into our lives completely free of prior complication.Remember that you can love them both without them necessarily having to enjoy each other.This goes for friends and partners who haven't dated, too, now that I think of it.If they choose to share details with you, that's fine — you don't need to stick your fingers in your ears, unless an overt comparison is being made (see No. Your relationship and theirs are separate things, and you don't need to know anything they don't care to tell you. If someone seriously mistreated your friend (we're talking emotional or physical abuse, infidelity, lying, stealing, etc.), don't date him, no matter how awesome his butt looks in jeans.This has nothing to do with some kind of Eternal Dibs situation, and everything to do with the fact that, by choosing to build a relationship with someone who treated her horribly, you're telling your friend you don't think what he did to her was all that bad. There are lots of people out there who are just as good in bed and haven't traumatized anyone you care about.And don't ever use jealousy or insecurity over their past relationship to excuse irrational or controlling behavior on your part.Of course, if your sweetie gives you a legitimate reason to believe he's untrustworthy, get out of there stat, but if there's really nothing wrong, don't create problems where none exist.6. It may be tempting ask your friend to analyze what happened between the two of them so that you can avoid making the same mistakes, but resist that urge.
(I'm going to use female pronouns for your friend, and male pronouns for your sweetie, for the sake of simplicity; however, every rule here applies no matter the genders of the participants.) Keep your friend's secrets.
No matter what his answer is, it's going to make things weird.
Besides, comparing yourself to anybody — even if you come out ahead — is going to lead to feeling crappy, because basing your self-esteem on where you stand relative to someone else is Not Healthy.
Queer communities are often small and insular, and once you've found one, you tend to hold on to it for dear life.
It's difficult to meet people you're romantically interested in beyond an already-defined circle, and outside of your city's queer scene, most people you run into are likely to be straight.
Trust that your dude is with you because he likes you and you're awesome, not because he's biding his time until your friend takes him back.